Feel the Love

When I divorced it affected a lot of people. It shocked and saddened more people than even I personally know. The ripples of who my decision hurt lapped to shores I didn't know existed. It most deeply hurt my children, then my parents and siblings, then my congregation, then my church community across my state, then friends and acquaintances across my country, and even into places across the ocean. It was a terrible realization to bear. 

In hindsight I'm able to see that much of my community wanted to spend time with me. They wanted to share my pain via conversations. They wanted to voice their own pain. And I wish I had been able to accommodate that need. I truly could not. 

Partly because I was too incapacitated in grief to properly function. But mostly because I recognized that I could not heal and recover by recounting my failure again and again, to friend after friend, with person after person. I found healing in attempting to forget those things which were behind, and by PRESSING toward whatever was before. 

I'd been a Bible study teacher for many years through my church, Souls Harbor, and through the years after the divorce, discussing God's healing Word was the only social interaction I enjoyed. I have learned to reintroduce other social engagements into my life, but still, I enjoy most a Bible study. 

Therefore, the people I'm with most often are people who want to incorporate the Bible into their lives in a social way outside of a church service. I teach Bible studies in homes where two or three single women come, I teach in homes where young families with babies, toddlers, and kids are romping and stomping in the background, I teach in a boutique where the owner is Christian and wants customers to be able to access God even in "just a store."

I feel like a new woman these days. I feel strong and healthy. It's not to say that the wounds I inflicted don't ache when seasons change. Much like an old man feeling the aches from a high school football injury. It happened. Holidays, weddings, various church events are like a cold winter that make the scar's presence known. But there's a setting that produces NOTHING but joy, strength, delight, and hope; Bible study.

I love it so much, and from the bottom of my heart I thank every friend who has helped me heal through the medicine of shared-scripture.

Guardian

Guardian
I know who I am...
Therefore I'm cautious with my open hands.
What I GIVE is free...
And I give abundantly.
But to guard this treasure...
So I'm not deceived,
I must be careful of WHO I RECEIVE.
~Denée Richardson

I learned as a child that protecting your reputation and anointing was WORTH the loneliness and isolation. God will always provide somebody to love you, and for you to love. There may be some dark "waiting periods" in between. But God will provide.

Be cautious. Your treasure in your earthen vessel is more important than emotional and human attachments, even with the friend you feel is God's provision. Never, NEVER, allow them to become so important you feel you can't live without them. Humanity, sometimes, has no power over whether or not they will never leave you. Sickness and death just happens sometimes. A force outside of the two of you comes to wreck the relationship sometimes.

I've learned that even when you're forced to lose who you love the most, the gifts and talents within will sustain you,, strengthen and inspire you. 

Know who you are to this world. Know your gifts and talents. Sharpen them. Use them. PROTECT THEM.

They will be what God uses to save your life.

Thanks to Lisa Velie for editing!

Every Flame Needs A Wick

[I've pecked this out on my mobile device, so ur about to read my "text lingo." I promise to write entire words w/appropriate punctuation & grammar if I ever go to print. Lol]

Sittin here watching my candles flicker... Had this realization along the lines of "opposites attract:"

A Flame can't dance wo a Wick... A Wick can't illuminate wo stillness or depth. God has always put deep, still "Wicks" in my life so I can dance. :-)

To my fellow Flames; Don't get ticked if ur Wick doesn't dance! If ur Wick started dancing ud lose ur light. Let em b still. They're not as flashy, not as sparkly, not as enticing... But if it wasn't for the solidity of ur Wick, u cldnt dance.

And, Wick! Lemme address u for a moment, ur Flame CAN'T b still. There's a word for making a flame b still; "smothering."

The ONLY other thing, besides dance, a Flame can do is die. The result of a Flame's death is suffocating smoke. Surrounding people die more from smoke inhalation than fire burns. Ur Flame MUST dance! For the sake of anyone within oxygen range, ur Flame MUST dance. Realize the importance of that. (Also, that death-smoke comes from the Wick, not the Flame.)

Together, Wick & Flame, u provide light for others to live. U provide a warm, rich ambiance for others to refresh thereby. Together, the two opposites r absolutely one in purpose & understanding, & that unity makes living beautiful, not only for themselves, but also for those around.

Wick, stay still, & deep, & enjoy (& yes, smtimes endure) the dance of ur Flame. Bask in ur Flame's warmth & illumination.

Flame, cast ur light in all directions! The more u enjoy ur dance, the more light u spread. But do dance in the knowledge that ur rhythm is literally at the expense of ur Wick. Respect & honor ur Wick's stillness.

Wick & Flame, Accept & respect ur 2 roles. Appreciate each other's contribution. Understand that ur combination not only brings the two of u to completeness, but the two of u working properly in ur roles brings peace to those around u.

(Now imma have a hard time bringing myself to blow out my candles tonight!) lol

The Glory of Enduring

I used to have to think of really sad things in order to shed a tear. I grew up in a very demonstrative, emotional, Pentecostal church. In the altar all the people around me would be weeping, and regardless of the sermon topic, my eyes would be as dry as an old mailbox post! My best tear-jerker as an eight or nine year old was to remember my beloved dog, Suzy, who'd been hit by a car. A simple conjuring up of the day my parents told me she'd been killed and I could squeeze out a few water-works.

But then LIFE happened. An uppercut to the breadbasket, multiple slaps to other cheeks! Add to that a couple stabs in the back region, and good gracious! Now I've had to come up with some clever means to get the flow to cease!

Until this point in my life I did not understand the concept of "endure." I'm not sure I can describe my initial idea of what it meant to endure. Perhaps I thought it was for losers. As if the only people who had enduring to do were ones that had made some really dumb decisions repetitively and now were a public scourge. I honestly am not sure what I thought it meant to endure.

But, honey, I can SURE ENOUGH tell you what it is like now! And CLEARLY it's not limited to losers, because, uh, I am not a loser!

[In my best "preacher voice"]
I shall take my text from Dictionary.com, because nobody can say it better than a legit, acclaimed, accredited dictionary.

It's A Verb
The first thing to comprehend is that "endure" is not a sissy, whipped-pup, loser status. Endure is a verb. A verb means ACTION. If you are in a state of endurance you are working your head off!! You are not still or finished! If you are enduring you are engaged in high action!

To Continue To Exist
The next thing to know about enduring is that it means YOU EXIST, and everybody, be they friend, family, spirit, or foe, knows it! Sometimes when you are enduring, you feel alone. You may feel forgotten about. But I can promise you, the fact that you are enduring means you exist! And there may be enemies who wish you would give in, but you will NOT give in because you EXIST, and you exist because you are enduring!

Suffer Without Yielding
Another thing I have learned about enduring is that you do indeed suffer. But you suffer WITHOUT YIELDING! The most adverse and darkest forces can come against you. You may cry, you may hurt, but you will NOT YIELD! A fetal position may be your prayer posture, but you will not yield! You are enduring!

Make Lasting
The reason endurance is so important is because it kills two birds with one stone. It ensures that the right outcome is fulfilled, and it MAKES YOU LASTING! It hardens you. Not in the sense that you become a jerk to the world because you don't care what anybody thinks about you. But it makes you TOUGH! It makes you STRONGER!

Lasting, Recognized Worth
In the midst of the "enduring" process there is absolutely NOTHING that seems worth the blood, sweat, and tears of endurance. But you endure anyway! And the natural result, without you seeking for it, without you demanding it, is that you will have a higher valued life. People who may not even know the story of all you endured will be able to recognize that you made it. The ground that you conquer in the midst of your endurance will ALWAYS be yours! Anything, everything, and anyone of high value endured.

Truth endures. Truth has been rejected and persecuted time and time again, but it endures and its endurance has given it so much power it can set the hardest heart free!

A soldier endures. Soldiers endure separation from family, harsh living conditions, even the risk of death. But they endure and millions of people are free because they carried out the verb!

Oysters endure the irritation of a grain of sand, forcing it into a constant effort of endurance, and a pearl is the result.

And finally, Christ endured. He ENDURED the cross. There is NOTHING to indicate that he enjoyed a single second from the pre-crucifixion beating to hanging nude on a cross. He carried out the action of the word; he endured the cross and despised the shame. And because he endured we have access to freedom from the slavery of sin and death!

So, you may FEEL like a loser when you are forced to endure some things, or when you look around you and nobody seems to understand. When you are in the midst of endurance even the most well-meaning people can seem to add the heaviest weight to our endurance. But the greatest prophets, the holiest men and women in scripture, the most brave, incredible, people ENDURED. And if they would have given up when their friends or families deserted them we wouldn't have the treasures of their testimonies with us today.

YOU can do this! Do not give up!! Hold to God's unchanging hand!! Say like Job, "Though he slay me I will trust him." God has NEVER left anyone unrewarded for enduring all the way through to victory. Because you are still enduring does not mean you are in sin, or a loser, or unloved by God. It means one thing; you are enduring. I don't mean to be cruel here, but, so what?! Lots of us have and are! Cowboy up and finish this out! You are a treasure in the making!

Having done all to stand... STAND!!