Remembering Where To Cast

I think I might have the world's worst memory. I can't even remember the lyrics to my own songs that I've written! Of course, being in a congregation that posts the words overhead to better help the congregation engage in singing hasn't helped reinforce memorization. When I need to remember something about music I contact my friends Angel Craig and Lisa Plappert. When I need to remember something about my childhood, I contact Shawn Hughes. When I need to remember something about church business, past, present, or future, I contact Donald Currie. These people have impeccable memories! Thank goodness I have them in my life, or I'd be sunk! 

There is at least one area of failed remembrance that I've found most humans match me in, we forget where to cast our cares. We instinctually cast our burdens on the one we sense is closest to us. While that should be God, just as the posted lyrics have weakened my memorization ability, humans that we've been blessed with sometimes cause us to not allow Christ to be as near as he's suppose to be. These humans meant to be a blessing in life, be they a spouse, or roommate, a friend, or family, end up a source of pain simply because we're trying to use them in ways they weren't meant to be used. 

In general, women tend to deal more with anxieties than men. It's not that women have more to carry than a man, it's that women are more likely to multitask, giving them the ability to fester in their worries while juggling typical, daily stressors. Men tend to do ONE thing at a time, therefore they worry, but when they have to be at work, they are more inclined to shelve their worry until they're free to think about it again. This isn't healthy for any of us, male or female. While we may become more and more skilled at shelving an anxiety, the anxiety is still there, unresolved, just waiting.

Women tend to want the help of other humans to fix their anxiety. Men tend to want to fix the matter themselves. Yet again, either way is not the purest solution. I can't reveal the reasoning of frustration in men's behavior, but as a woman I can easily say that women stack more anxiety on themselves when they encounter the consistent inability of friends and family to listen or fix. Women get angry (or depressed, or resentful, or any other number of negative reactions) when someone listens but doesn't fix their problem. Men compound the issue by deciding to avoid even listening because they know they won't be allowed to fix it in the end. 

Spouses stew in resentment. 

Friends ignore each other. 

Peers become critical from their determined distances. 

All along the fix doesn't have flesh and blood. The cure can't be seen by the naked eye. The relief we crave comes from turning our attention away from flawed humanity and fixing our eyes on Jesus. 

Jesus said for us to cast our anxieties on Him.

If we see prayer as an unemotional religious ritual, then of course we won't remember to cast our cares on him. If prayer is a duty rather than a fellowship, then we have put a hole in our boat before setting sail and will experience the panic of drowning in the weight of life.

We may reach out to a fellow passenger in our storms of life, but we can't become filled with bitterness when they themselves can't help us. After all, they are merely passengers in the storm as well! But the Master of the winds and waves lives above the sickening storm. He alone can rescue us. 

We must be thankful for and gain health from the friends around us, but we must prioritize the fellowship of Christ. His ear is the only perfect listener, & His hand is the only perfect fixer.

Remember where to cast your cares. 

Cast your worries and anxieties on Christ. He's a miracle worker! 

The Healed

[this is still under constructions. But it can still be gleaned from in the meantime.]

I received this email:
I was reading your blog post from 4/2/13. Thank you for those tidbits. I too went through a divorce... Not only am I still very ashamed of the divorce but I find myself very sad about it. The event changed me and I need help finding that joyful girl who wasn't afraid to love. I am proud of you because you are allowing God to use you to help others. I hope that one day I am able to help others heal but know that I need to completely heal from my pain.

I realized when reading this that people do not realize when THEY ALREADY ARE in a position to be used of God to help others. I've had the best training on earth from childhood on, from the ultimate "presentation tutors," my parents, James and Naomi Varnum. They lived it behind the scenes, on the world's stage, they were legit. And they taught all of their kids to present a positive image, to put our best foot forward, to smile regardless of the emotion, and so on.

It's dawned on me after reading this email that because people see what I consider my "worship and faith posture," and they do not see my crumpled heaps in the midnight hour, that they consider me "back to normal," while they're seeing themselves still broken and a bloodied mess. They feel like they're barely coping. I want to help people who have endured crises, maybe even multiple crises, to see themselves in a more positive light! I want to help people who have been battered and bruised to realize THEY'RE READY to help others God is putting in their path. If God put you two in the same room, God considers you healed and ready.

Consider this story of one of my mother's life-breaking tragedies and take heart; you are more "ready" than you realize.

When I was 2yrs old, I had a sister, Gina Louise, who died when she was 7 months old. I'm now 40 years old. That means she's been dead for 37 years. My mother will STILL feel the sting of that death & mourn her loss. We go to her grave EVERY year on Memorial Day to put flags on my great uncles' graves who served in World War 2, we put flowers on my grandparents graves. And we always put flowers and a toy on my sister's grave. This is my mother's plan and she clearly leads the event. She doesn't always cry at the grave, but she does sometimes. I remember specifically, the year Gina would have graduated from high school my mom cried at the grave.

But 37 years later...? My mom is in no way, shape, or form a depressed person. She is one of the most enjoyable, jovial humans on this planet. But she still cries over Gina. Clearly, still hurts sometimes, right? Right.

And yet...

Since Gina's death she's had a a son who is now a 36 yr old man and gives her every reason to be thankful. He is a great father and husband and pastors under the anointing of God. She's VERY proud of him, thankful for him, and HE MAKES HER HAPPY.

She had another daughter 28 years ago, my sister, Lacey. Lacey has given her SO MUCH JOY!

But she still feels the pain from the sudden loss of Gina. (Contact me through facebook or twitter to get her book that includes the story of Gina's death, as well as their joys in ministry.)

What's inspired me to write this blog is that I think in general we have a misconception of what "healed" is. We think it means we're back to the pain-free, innocence of childhood. And because somewhere along the line we've learned "wounded people aren't in a condition to help other wounded people" we miss out on saving someone else! We miss out on the many joys that come from being used of God to minister to others. (Click here to read about habits we form in a crisis.)

"Healed" doesn't mean you no longer feel pain from that wound. But it means things have mended enough for you to move forward and function.

I know people who have been in terrible car wrecks, who limp because they still feel pain from their wounds. They'll need to "baby" that particular leg more in severe weather changes. They'll perhaps buy different types of shoes than the fad-shoes others are wearing, or they'll not participate in certain activities. They may need to alter their lifestyle a bit. But they're out of the hospital, the stitches are gone, the yucky medicine is no longer needed, they're finished with all the gauze and wrappings. They've healed. Would it be nicer if they healed from the damage of the wreck without pain? OF COURSE! But what's happened, HAPPENED!

So, we should not wait for the "pain" to be gone to believe we've healed emotionally. Because we have a day here and there where we need to "baby" a past wound does not mean we're useless. Even people in wheelchairs, or full paralysis have been known to accomplish great things! Having days where the old wound acts up on you is normal. But you need to stop, cease, and desist going through motions that are no longer needed. Perhaps you were a victim. But you're not now! Perhaps you were a "patient" in a spiritual hospital, and I'll even go so far as to say its possible you didn't receive proper care. But you have to get hold of yourself and say, "Enough is enough!" You will NEVER get people to fulfill your needs and wants. And as long as you keep focusing on people who won't apply the medicine, people who seem to walk around with butcher knives reopening old wounds, you'll never live as God intends you to live. You and God ALONE can properly apply your medicine. And if you've got people in your life still ripping your to shreds; GET OUT OF THERE!

I've seen people who have experienced atrocities like molestation, beatings, the death of someone vital to their life, the destruction of their character, divorce, losing a career... The list of tragedies that humanity faces is mind-boggling. But these people still want care even though time, God, and maybe even supportive people helped their wound heal long ago. But because they've still got an emotional limp, that does indeed some days cripple them, they're demanding to be put back in "the hospital." Or they keep getting out the yucky medicine and trying to use it. They're still trying to wrap it with gauze. BUT THE WOUND HAS HEALED! None of that will work anymore! It's done it's job. It's over, and YOU ARE HEALED!

I'm not trying to disrespect those of you still feeling the pain. I'm not trying to make light of your pain, or say "it's all in your head." My friend, your pain is very real. But the mistake we make sometimes is in thinking because we still have a crippling day, we're not fit to minister others. And that's the thinking I seek to change.

If you know the story of Job in the Bible, you know that his children died, his business died, his marriage died; in short he lost everything. And we feel his pain. But isn't it such a triumphant ending? He again experiences the laugh of children, he rebuilds his business to prosperity, and because his 1st wife was cursed of God to not be able to bear children, we know in order to have more children, he had to have a new wife. We LOVE that he got it all back, and more! Living the dream, baby!

But I know human nature. I'm a parent. I've seen my mom cry because she misses Gina. And though the scripture doesn't spell out this detail; I'm certain Job had days after he was back to living the dream, when he thought about his first children, and he ached, and he mourned them. I wouldn't be surprised, if I could have a conversation with him, to hear him say, "There were some days I had to FORCE myself to get out of bed and get dressed because I missed my children." Or even, "There were panics and fears that would hit me sometimes... fears that I would lose it all again within a matter of minutes."

Sure! Job was living the dream of his restored wealth and prestige. But what kind of difficulties did he have with his "first wife?" According to the culture she was probably still his wife, and he either married a different woman, or had a concubines situation going on, which means her likely bitter attitude was still in his home. The point is, just because God healed him in body, soul, mind and spirit, and everything was restored, he likely had days, (his first children's birthdays come to mind) when perhaps he couldn't breathe.

And yet, he seems to have done like my mother, and found joy where he could.

Imagine a doctor who had been severely wounded in an accident, which in turn caused him to limp, or to need to get around in a wheel chair, or with a cane. But he comes across you lying on the side of the road, bleeding to death. Within him is not only the knowledge of how to stop the bleeding, how to stitch you, how to save your life. But he even knows how to survive a near-death experience. But he doesn't help you because his limps and he's not like he used to be. I hope you'd sue that jerk!

TEASING ABOUT SUING! =)

But I am not teasing about the fact that you may walk with a limp after your tragedy, but that does not excuse you from helping others get over and through their own tragedy. As a matter of fact, you are obligated to offer your services. Accept your limp. It was a terrible experience you had. You never want to go through that ordeal again. But you did. So accept you'll never be the same again. Stop trying to recapture your former self. Quit occupying a hospital bed, there are other patients who need care. And YOU can care for them better than almost anybody else.

The world needs you. The Kingdom of God needs you.

I'm not trying to be harsh. But I am asking for help. There are a lot of hurting people, and those of us who have gone through the darkest of valleys are the ones who can help navigate other's through the same valley.

And don't forget, when you seek to do the work of God, HE will add all "these things" to you! Assume the "worship and faith posture." Exemplify your faith by putting your best presentation on. Honor and worship God with your smiles. It doesn't mean you FEEL giddy, or FEEL whole or worthy enough to offer help. And it's certainly not because you don't feel pain anymore. It's because God is worthy of your "best foot forward." And the hurting are worth you taking time & expending energy to minister to them.

Please don't assume that the reason I display confidence, happiness and try to help by telling a bit of my story is because I'm painless. I still, 3 years after, deal with stress and confusion of my own tragedy. I still cry and hurt deeply. But I decided it was time for somebody else to have the hospital bed. I decided it was time I stopped depleting the medicine supply. And it was time I joined the nursing staff, limp and all!

Don't forget, Jacob carried the mark of his fight for the rest of his life. Jesus carried the marks of his crucifixion. Both were "healed." They simply found themselves in a place to show their scars and say, "See? I've been through that too. Now let me help you."

You may benefit from praying these same scriptures I pray. Click here.

Handling the Hurting

We have to use wisdom in handling the hurting because until you've experienced something for yourself, you do not have the ability to truly understand someone else's experience. You may try to do so by using your imagination, but that's based on your solid opinions, which was formed via your upbringing, which was shaped by your parent’s culture.

I had both of my kids by Caesarian section, so I relate more to people who have had surgery than to women who have gone through the natural childbirth experience. I am AWARE that the pain the mother experiences, the length of time enduring labor, and the concern of the dad, all adds up to an amazing dramatic moment when the child is delivered. But it is strictly my imagination that conjures up what that is like. For me, I was groggy from anesthesia, then within a very short time a slimy, tiny human was displayed from behind a sheet/curtain for about five seconds, then I went to sleep. No tears. No drama. Just baby. Therefore, I never have that "Yeah! Right!" moment other moms have when they connect over their birth stories.

I've discovered this is the case in traumatic life events as well. You may have experienced the pain of divorce, but it is NOT the pain of death, and the two can only relate as closely perhaps, as someone who’s experienced natural childbirth vs. Caesarian, or adoption. All cases resulted in parentage, but they are NOT the same. Divorce, death, losing a home, having a child run away; they all produce confusion and pain, but they are not the same experiences with slight differences, they are very different experiences with slight similarities.

So, when you are trying to help someone who has been wounded by a tragedy of life, the most important posture you can take is one of very little opinion. People trying to offer advice and instruction mean well. But it doesn't feel like love or kindness to the one hurting. It feels judgmental. It does not feel like support to the one hurting. It feels like what little strength one has is being stripped away.

It is hard to trust people. That is why we should be cautious in sharing our opinions about how people should be handling THEIR crisis. We love these hurting people. We can see how vulnerable they are. So we do the only thing we know to do; describe to them what we see they've done wrong that got them in their present dilemma. We also tend to be driven to tell them what they should be doing now. It is not out of malice. It is not some devious, twisted plot to make their life even worse than it is. It is actually because you love them very much! However, diving into their storm armed only with concern and emotion is the equivalent of watching a loved one wrestle a bear. EVERYBODY is freaked out by the event. But if we are not careful, in our attempts to shoot the bear, we shoot the loved one.

When you have been thrust into the awkward position of handling the hurting, you should know that the most painful things well-meaning people do is to say what you think the hurting person is thinking and doing based on your own imagination. Do you really KNOW what they're thinking, or WHY they're behaving or deciding what they are? Have you bothered to ASK?

What generally happens is, we assume, then form our own opinions based on our own assumptions. The one we're trying to help has not participated in any part of the process; except maybe at the end where what is meant to bring them clarity ends up confusing and simply adding to the weight of their pain.

So, if you have a friend or family member scaring you because of behavior being acted out due to life-upheaval, the most helpful thing you can do is not to offer guidance, but rather ask gentle questions AND LISTEN.

"Are you afraid? What are you afraid of?"
"Do you need me to do anything differently?"

If they trust you enough to answer your questions, likely they will start spilling out more of what is causing their pain and behavior. When they tell you more, you'll be better able to "diagnose" them and properly "treat" them. But even at this point you should not necessarily start advising. What you want to do is sit there quietly, listening with a heart of compassion, and you're going to keep doing that until something AMAZING happens, which is that they ask YOU a question, "What would you do?" Or "What do you think?"

It might take them a while to come around to the point where they are comfortable answering your questions. Especially if they are gun-shy by previous conversations, with you or someone else. But if you will patiently and compassionately play this role right, they will come around.

If they are not talking freely to you about their pain, and not asking you for advice, then they are scared of you. I know if you have always considered them your best friend, or you are the family member, or the counselor, that is hard to accept. But be encouraged, because if you create a healing, loving, environment, they WILL come check it out. If it is legit you will be allowed to be a part of their healing. Feeling frustrated you can't seem to do anything right is understandable. But being angry at them will accomplish nothing in your relationship. If they're the "patient" and you're the "doctor," you have to explore the "medicines" until you find the cure. And pray, pray, pray for them.

The other way to help someone going through a pain you have not experienced is to support them. This can be tricky if you do not approve of what they are doing. But it is possible. It is possible to hear someone sob and you not say anything except, "I'm sorry you're hurting. I love you." It may not be easy because your instinct wants to point out the stupid thing they did to bring on this pain. But it is POSSIBLE to use self control and simply support.

The most comforting people I have talked to in the midst of the pain and trauma of divorce, were other people who have gone through divorce. Not because we sat around approving of divorce. But because there were so many "Yeah! I know!" moments about the pain experienced behind closed doors. I've opened up to less than five people about my pain in this matter, and for three years the most helpful one was a very quiet, unassuming, tiny lady. I think it is important for you to know that description of her because I am generally thought of as loud, bossy, opinionated, and stubborn. Do you want to know what eloquent advice and direction she gave? She simply said, "I know. I know. It's awful." Sometimes she would add, "It will get better." But that's it! It turned out that in my larger-than-life personality I did not require a Mack truck kind of approach to calm me in the midst of a raging storm. She never said, "You need to..." Or, "Stop doing...." Do you know WHY and HOW she ministered so effectively? It was not because she graduated from a school of theology or psychology. It was because she went through the school of hard knocks. Very particularly, she was thrust into the same classes I was in. Oh, my goodness! She can lift my spirits like no one else! And all she does is listen and say she loves me!

It's also important to accept that you alone do not have ALL that your hurting friend needs. In the beginning, when all Adam had was God Almighty himself, the Creator. God labeled Adam as "alone" and created another source to fulfill Adam's needs. If God accepts that his offspring needs more than only himself, we must each acknowledge that our hurting loved-ones need more than just ourself to meet all their needs.

I will write soon to the hurting people and give my two-cents about how to cowboy up and move forward. But this particular blog is to the strong, healthy one wanting to know how best to be a part of their loved-one's healing.

It really doesn't matter what our title in their life may be; parent, friend, sibling, pastor, mentor, etc. If their boo-boo hurts, and EVERY TIME they see you you're trying to apply healing salt water, you may find yourself with an abundant supply of healing balm, but NO ONE to apply it to. Create an ambiance and atmosphere of gentleness and you'll find more willing patients than you know what to do with.

If you've faced the same pain as your friend you will naturally know how to help. But if you haven't been in the SAME situation, I suggest you try asking questions and listening, not offering guidance unless you are asked for it, and just create a judgment-free, peace zone. And perhaps you'll find yourself becoming a part of helping that person you love be nursed back to spiritual and emotional health.

Denée Richardson, Le Muser
www.deneerichardson.com

~Thanks to Lisa Velie for editing.

Emotional You

I am a very emotional being. Actually, we all as humans are, because we were created in the image of an emotional God. Some of us have learned how not to express some emotions, while others of us have gotten addicted to specific emotions. But we all rely strongly on emotions in one way or another.

One way we rely on emotions is by how they make us feel. Internal feelings are very important to us. We like to FEEL in love. We like to FEEL happy. We like to FEEL like we are having fun. Those positive feelings cause us to repeat whatever caused that amazing internal buzz in the first place. It is also possible for us to start enjoying negative emotions. We can actually start liking to feel sad. We can get addicted to anger. We can start liking the feeling of jealousy. They same way we seek to repeat a behavior that triggered the buzz feelings, we will repeat destructive behaviors in order to experience the dark feelings. If the behaviors are destructive, you DO NOT have the "right" to conjure those feelings by repeating that behavior. You are not an island. You are connected to more people than you even physically know. You must be responsible in your emotions.

Another way we rely on emotional expression is to tell us if someone likes or dislikes something we've done or given. The funniest one is when tears are the response to a gesture of love, and the giver thinks they have done something wrong to hurt them! They expected big smiles as a reaction to the gift, or perhaps some girly hops up and down, but instead this person is shedding TEARS. We tend to imagine others’ behavior at something would be exactly like our own behavior, and we get thrown when their expression of the SAME emotion is very different from what ours would be.

But feeling emotions and expressing emotions is healthy. Being in control is what makes the difference in your emotions being constructing or destructive. The scripture describes controlling your emotional expression as controlling your "spirit." (Proverbs 25:28) It is rude to burst out laughing at a funeral. It is destructive to cry all day. It is hurtful to unleash a torrent of anger.

But it is also destructive to stop yourself from laughing or smiling, or to never cry, or to not let people know when you are angry or jealous. Building up a resistance to expressing emotions is hurtful to your own self, firstly. But once you have established all these lock-downs to expression, you end up hurting the people around you; your spouse, your children, your friends, and your family. As I described above, we communicate with each other by means more than words. We use emotional expressions to gauge how we should behave toward each other. If you are not demonstrating you are happy when someone says or does something you like and enjoy, how are they supposed to know to do that thing again? If you are not expressing pain or jealousy, how are they suppose to know how hurtful their behavior or words are to you? The scripture is, as always, absolutely correct in telling us how to handle our emotions; to "rule over our own spirit."

Is it okay to express anger? Yes!
Is it okay to express jealousy? Yes!
Is it okay to laugh? Yes!
Is it okay to cry? Yes!

All these expressions of emotions, be they considered negative or positive ones, are okay because God, your creator, expresses them. The scriptures describe him as so much in love he sings! (I LOVE that one.) We see God as angry, jealous, laughing, and even crying. The key to emotional well-being is neither to build walls, nor to let it all hang out. God showed us by example. Emotions were not in control of him, he was in control of them.

He that hath no rule over his own spirit is like a city that is broken down, and without walls.
Proverbs 25:28 KJV

Le Muser; Denée Richardson
www.deneerichardson.com

~Thanks to Lisa Velie for editing.

Heart to Heart

Like most little girls, I grew up amidst the magical delights of princesses, princes, glass coaches, and dreams of happily ever after! Plus, I had the additional joy of having parents who encouraged me to believe ANYTHING was possible! Plus, PLUS, it is strongly written in my genetic code to imagine HUGE, dream BIG, and not to settle for anything less than the biggest bam EVER!

I was an adult before I realized that I could want something that actually could be a really stupid thing to want. I lived by the seat of my pants! I had always let the wind take me where it would. If I felt it, I went for it! And that phrase, "follow your heart"? Wow. Turns out that is not the smartest advice.

Here's why.

The heart [is] deceitful above all [things], and desperately wicked: who can know it?
Jeremiah 17:9

What?! I thought we were SUPPOSED to follow our heart! The oldest and wisest women in all movies and books say to follow your heart. They mean, if your insides are telling you to go for it, then you should!

But Jeremiah wasn't the only prophet to say otherwise...

Heeeere's Solomon!
He that trusteth in his own heart is a fool: but whoso walketh wisely, he shall be delivered.
Proverbs 28:26

And heeeere's Moses!
And GOD saw that the wickedness of man [was] great in the earth, and [that] every imagination of the thoughts of his heart [was] only evil continually.
Genesis 6:5

And (drum roll please) straight from the Master himself, Jesus Christ!
For out of the heart proceed evil thoughts, murders, adulteries, fornications, thefts, false witness, blasphemies:
Matthew 15:19

This realization changed EVERYTHING for me! To the extreme! Surprise, surprise, that I would do anything "extreme," right? Lol! I had such a powerful "overtaking" of my own heart's deceit, I actually stopped praying some very specific prayers in case I was "praying amiss!" I have absolute faith that when I present needs, requests, or desires to God that he WILL answer me! I have prayed for multiple people to be healed of cancer, and BAM! They were instantly cured! I have prayed for money and have gotten it! I have prayed for homes to be made available to people and within hours it has happened. It is not that I am anything special. I simply, LITERALLY, believe that God set prayer up FOR THE PURPOSE OF HIM DOING IT! He said, "You have not because you ask not." So I believe that when I ask, I get it!

How can you pray for God to heal someone when you might be praying that way out of selfishness? How can you pray that so-and-so gets a specific job when you may be asking for something that could ultimately hurt a lot of people? How can you pray that God would give you a specific house, or car, or ANYTHING when it could be your deceitful heart telling you only the good of it?!

I did not know how to pray about people who had hurt me, turned their back on me, or spoken ill of me. Part of me wanted to ask God to bring them back to me while part of me wanted to tell God to strike them dead where they stood!

There is example after example of God doing what people asked of him even though it was not best for them. There are examples of God honoring prayers of destruction and prayers of exaltation. And I do mean that when people prayed, God would destroy someone by striking them down, or exalt them by elevating their status; He did just that!

When a person believes in the power of prayer as I do, AND you realize your heart can deceive you... Whew! I was in a jam!

I spent weeks and weeks in frustration. Literally crying without uttering a word because I didn't know what was the right thing to pray for.

Then, as my wonderful savior ALWAYS does, he started speaking HIS thoughts into my spirit. And, also as he always does, he was using his eternal, written word to do so.

Jesus reminded me that even though it’s true that my heart or "feelings" can deceive me, he is stronger, mightier, and more powerful than my deceptive heart! (1 John 3:20) As sure as a person could have a deceptive heart, they can also have an UPRIGHT heart! (Psalms 7:10) It's a simple matter of ASKING FOR an acceptable heart! (Psalms 19:14) It is as simple as praying that God would CREATE a clean heart! (Psalms 51:10) God is no stranger to creation! He is not caught off guard when we show up saying, "Jesus, take this stony heart out of me and give me a tender heart." It is his good pleasure to write HIS desires on your heart so that we will not have to struggle with our deceitful desires. (Ezekiel 36:26)

The heart truly IS deceitful. And the question Jeremiah asked in 17:9, "Who can know it?" was answered that day as I sat in God's presence. I could feel his smile, as a father smiles on his child. He said to my spirit, "I'm the one who knows it. I'm the one who KNOWS your heart." (Psalms 44:21)

As God calmed my fears, and comforted my troubled soul, I began to pray, "Lord, I'm going to ask for some specific things, but I'm not positive I'm asking for the exact RIGHT things. So you know my heart. You know that what I REALLY want, more than anything, is for YOUR PERFECT WILL TO BE DONE."

I'm sure there are very few wack-jobs in this world as crazy and literal as I am. Which means that you will likely not go through this same hoopla over something so simple. But you should be aware and remember that your heart (feelings, emotions, cravings) actually CAN be deceitful and draw you into wanting things that in reality you do not want. It's a deception.

But also be aware that a continual surrender to God's plan and his written word will shine a light on your heart and dispel all the shadows of deception.

Perhaps I'll blog about how to pray effectively later. But for now I will at least say that I think it is a very good habit to pray prayers of surrender and repentance BEFORE you lay out your list of requests.

What a great God to love us so much.

Denée Richardson, Le Muser
www.deneerichardson.com

~Thanks to Lisa Velie for editing.

Psalms 7:10 (KJV)
My defence [is] of God, which saveth the upright in heart.

Psalms 10:17 (KJV)
LORD, thou hast heard the desire of the humble: thou wilt prepare their heart, thou wilt cause thine ear to hear:

Psalms 19:14 (KJV)
Let the words of my mouth, and the meditation of my heart, be acceptable in thy sight, O LORD, my strength, and my redeemer.

Psalms 37:4 (KJV)
Delight thyself also in the LORD; and he shall give thee the desires of thine heart.

Psalms 37:31 (KJV)
The law of his God [is] in his heart; none of his steps shall slide.

Psalms 44:21 (KJV)
Shall not God search this out? for he knoweth the secrets of the heart.

Psalms 51:10 (KJV)
Create in me a clean heart, O God; and renew a right spirit within me.

Ezekiel 36:26 (KJV)
A new heart also will I give you, and a new spirit will I put within you: and I will take away the stony heart out of your flesh, and I will give you an heart of flesh.

For if our heart condemn us, God is greater than our heart, and knoweth all things.
1 John 3:20

Knock Out Negative Emotions

When I was a child there was a playground rhyme that went like this;
See my finger?
See my thumb?
See my fist?
You'd better run!
It was definitely said by the tough kids, taunting wimps, flaunting their powerful five year old muscles with the rhyme.

I've given one black eye in my life. My friend, Donald, was teasing me on the playground at school one day saying I liked a little boy named Matthew! It was quite true of course. But for whatever reason I felt my honor and respectability was at stake. So I started chasing Donnie, swinging my fists, telling him to be quiet! Then suddenly, without warning Donnie turned around to end the chase and be done with the game; Wham! You know that comical line from the '90's, "Run into my fist." That's literally what happened! It was the classic case of being in the wrong time in the wrong place and my fist caught him squarely in the eye! I felt terrible hitting my friend! It was on accident! But at least now I'm aware I can give a black eye if I need to!

I've had a new "friend" chasing me around this playground of "life" lately. She goes by the name, Emotions. We have a very tight bond. For whatever reason another childhood rhyme comes to mind;
There was a little girl
Who had a little curl
Right in the middle of her forehead
When she was good
She was very, very good
But when she was bad
She was horrid

Indeed, when emotions are good, they are very, very good! Laughter literally releases more feel-good endorphins that lead to feelings of calm & peace. Emotions cause us to feel tender and sweet toward our loved ones. They cause us to feel compassion toward less fortunate humanity, that feeling then pushes us into an action of helping.

But when emotions are bad, they ARE horrid. There are events that can occur that send our emotions into a tailspin. It could be an unfaithful friend, or a death in the family, or the illness of a child. It could be the environment of a job, or even worse, the loss of a job.

My emotions went into a tailspin about five years ago and I had no clue what was going on! I came from positive parents. I am naturally inclined to be positive and bright. Suddenly (at least it snuck up on me so silently it felt like "suddenly) I was needing to cry for no reason. I would feel bursts of anger like I'd never known. And I was sick alllll-the-tiiiime! I had hormone tests done, because of course as a woman, PMS can be blamed for everything emotional and spasmatic! My hormones were PERFECTLY balanced. My iron was even higher than most women of my age. My thyroid was good. I went to homeopathic doctors, and traditional doctors. There was nothing physically wrong with me!

Through prayer, counsel, and some major life-upheavaling decisions I began to realize my problem was literally "all in my head." I had allowed some damage to occur to some foundational elements of health and well-being and now my whole structure was reeling from the damage. I HAD to get proactive on repairing that foundation for several reasons; 1. I still had kids to raise and they were entering their very vulnerable teen years. 2. I love my job as a music director and leader in my church. 3. I had a LOT of future ahead.

More prayer ensued. More counsel. More research. I knew the joy of the Lord was my strength. I knew my answers were in prayer. But I was very confused at myself and very frustrated with my counsellors because the prayer and the joy didn't seem to be helping! Then I happened across a book at my public library. ("Happened?" I believe God set up the encounter.) The book was called, "Happy For No Reason." It wasn't a Christian book. But it was a great resource to help me. What the book did for me was showed me HOW TO access the joy & peace that was already within me!

We've just finished celebrating Christmas and I received from my parents a gift I've been wanting for a while; an iPad2! Here's why my iPad is relevant (besides the fact that I'm currently writing from it! Yippee!) The iPad2 was purchased, paid for in-full, in other words, no ongoing payments were required. The iPad2 was gift wrapped by my mother. The iPad2 was laying beneath her garland bedecked antique piano. For the three to four weeks leading up to Christmas my iPad2... (Sorry! I just get giddy saying "iPad2!) MY iPad2was right there! I walked within inches of it more times than I can count. I KNEW IT WAS THERE! she had asked me if I wanted an iPad2, she called me from the store to find out if I wanted 3G on it. So I actually KNEW I had an iPad2 and I knew the day it was purchased for my benefit!

When did I benefit from this lovely, magical creation of Steve Jobs? The day I TOOK ACTION! And THAT'S what "Happy For No Reason" showed me how to do; take action. I definitely had God's attention in prayer. I would cry my heartache out to him and his spirit would minister to me so intimately. I would even speak in other tongues. But I'd leave that time of prayer and worship and still be lugging around such heavy, oppressive emotions!

Through reading that book (which you must read yourself since I don't have time to rewrite it here) I learned that I had to extend my arms, use the ligaments and muscles in my hands to receive the gift already mine, and I had to tear the paper off, and I had to open the box, and I had to power on the device in order to benefit! (Ok. I just sorta flashed back to that wonderful moment when I got this amazing device currently being tapped and swiped with love!) But that's what I had to also do with my body and brain in order to benefit from the joy and peace already mine via the Holy Ghost!

Though no particular chapter in the book said to do a Happy Exercise, or what exactly that Happy Exercise would be, I combined actions I saw in various chapters and created my OWN Happy Exercise! I knew from my experience in working out that what was required to build the strength of a muscle was repetition. What is required to build a good habit, or tear down bad habits is repetition. So I set the alarm on my phone to go off every hour and I began delivering a five-fingered fist to the breadbasket of bad emotions.

1. Smile for no reason.
When my Happy Exercise alarm goes off. (I have mine set for every hour.) I SMILE! Research shows smiling releases happy hormones into your brain. Women who've had Botox done on the frown lines around their mouth had relief from depression because frowning causes your brain to produce negative, stress inducing hormones. So every hour, for no reason, I SMILE to release the happy endorphins!

2. Think happy thoughts.
I think of someone, someplace, or something that I like. It may b a song, or a book, or a miracle, or an act of kindness I heard about. It may be something that happened so long ago I can't even remember the details. But I very PURPOSEFULLY think a happy thought.

3. Pray.
I ask God to help me be happier. I ask God to heal whatever is causing me emotional or physical pain. I ask God to help the people I'm worried about. I thank God for his blessings. Sometimes this lasts 30 seconds. Sometimes it last 30 minutes. But I purposefully connect myself to my Creator during this Happy Exercise.

4. Do an exercise.
Exercise releases more of those happy endorphins into your brain and bloodstream. So whether you want to lose weight or not. Just MOVE YOUR BODY! Sometimes I go for a walk. Sometimes lock my office door and do 10 pushups. Sometimes I annoy my co-workers by running up and down the stairs three or four times. Sometimes I just stand up from my desk and touch my toes. But I purposefully exercise my body.

5. Compliment someone.
I either write a quick, short notecard or I shoot off a text or fb message to someone letting them know something they have done that I appreciate. I tell someone I think they're beautiful. I tell someone about a good deed I overheard they did and how it impressed me. I tell someone how their conduct under pressure inspired me.

And now we're back where I started...
See my finger?
See my thumb?
See my fist?
You'd better run!

Now I know how to show my horrid emotions exactly who is boss of me! In those five exercises I am deliberately raising my fist to sadness, negativity, oppression, and doubt and delivering a very complete KO! Do I still feel sadness? Of course! Do I still have bad days? Yep. And as long as I have blood pumping through my veins I'll hafta keep on guard against negativity. But NOW I know what and how to get my inner army of joy-bots moving and grooving, taking back territory that rightfully belongs to me.

If you've been dealing with the effects of bad emotions, I hope you'll begin doing Happy Exercises with me. If you have a friend dealing with depression I hope you'll invite them to join me AND YOU in doing Happy Exercises.

Negativity is the enemy and I now know how to raise my fist to it!