Friday, September 11, 2015

Feel the Love

When I divorced it affected a lot of people. It shocked and saddened more people than even I personally know. The ripples of who my decision hurt lapped to shores I didn't know existed. It most deeply hurt my children, then my parents and siblings, then my congregation, then my church community across my state, then friends and acquaintances across my country, and even into places across the ocean. It was a terrible realization to bear. 

In hindsight I'm able to see that much of my community wanted to spend time with me. They wanted to share my pain via conversations. They wanted to voice their own pain. And I wish I had been able to accommodate that need. I truly could not. 

Partly because I was too incapacitated in grief to properly function. But mostly because I recognized that I could not heal and recover by recounting my failure again and again, to friend after friend, with person after person. I found healing in attempting to forget those things which were behind, and by PRESSING toward whatever was before. 

I'd been a Bible study teacher for many years through my church, Souls Harbor, and through the years after the divorce, discussing God's healing Word was the only social interaction I enjoyed. I have learned to reintroduce other social engagements into my life, but still, I enjoy most a Bible study. 

Therefore, the people I'm with most often are people who want to incorporate the Bible into their lives in a social way outside of a church service. I teach Bible studies in homes where two or three single women come, I teach in homes where young families with babies, toddlers, and kids are romping and stomping in the background, I teach in a boutique where the owner is Christian and wants customers to be able to access God even in "just a store."

I feel like a new woman these days. I feel strong and healthy. It's not to say that the wounds I inflicted don't ache when seasons change. Much like an old man feeling the aches from a high school football injury. It happened. Holidays, weddings, various church events are like a cold winter that make the scar's presence known. But there's a setting that produces NOTHING but joy, strength, delight, and hope; Bible study.

I love it so much, and from the bottom of my heart I thank every friend who has helped me heal through the medicine of shared-scripture.

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