Get Back Up

I remember when knockdowns and setbacks were a mere annoyance, as simple to remedy as a pesky bug buzzing around. It was laughable to think that getting back up would be hard! Getting back up required no forethought, no energy, no emotion. I just popped right back up as if I were still a kid on the trampoline in my backyard, propelled to soar to tree limbs with such little energy.

Not so now.

I'm not sure if it's physical age, or the depth of devastation, or why it's different now. But it is different now. 

Every.

Single.

Day.

Each day I plan how to live victoriously in that day. Each day I PURPOSEFULLY live happily. Each day I have to get back up.

When this new method of living was my reality I was so angry at God for not taking me out of this earth to Heaven. If "to live is Christ, to die is GAIN," then what kind of cruelty kept me here? Give me my "gain," for goodness sake! Every plane takeoff where I was on board I'd send texts of love, forgiveness, and mercy before we had to power down our phones. THAT'S how confident I was that God was going to answer my prayer and take me to The Other Side. In the old days I prayed safety and protection over the plane and flight, but I stopped doing that since it seemed like a quick and easy way for God to answer my prayer. I didn't talk about this line of thinking to anybody because I wasn't trying to be dramatic and get attention. The last thing I wanted was for anyone to pay attention to me. I wanted to be left alone to die. But neither God nor man were in sync with me on this one.

"To live is Christ."

I've always seen this activity of living-is-Christ as being very jubilant, therefore very fluid, natural, and easy. But that was from my perspective of youth and fairy tales. What about Christ's life was easy? From his first year of life the government was hunting him down to kill him. While travel is sometimes fun when you're headed to Disney World, a road trip in the dead of night because you're being hunted down certainly turns up the volume on the phrase, "Are we there yet?"

Living-is-Christ puts us in a position to participate in the miraculous, to have power over death, hell, and the grave, and to be surrounded by followers. And as long as these people and situations are helping us accomplish our goals these moments are ecstatic. But let us not forget that Christ was run out of town, was continually in one argument or another with the religious, was rarely with his family, was a 24/7 teacher. Not to mention the final hours of his life; the excruciating crucifixion. 

Dying is gain because it puts us across the finish line. Dying with a clean conscience toward God is gain because we've run a good race and we've finished  our course. But LIVING is necessary to accomplish the victory of death. 

There is no victory in hiding in a hole waiting for death. The will of God is that we get out of the hole and LIVE as Christ did. It is the will of God that we have HOPE. It is the will of God that we experience JOY. It is the will of God that we produce all of the fruit of the Spirit. We are cheating God if we do not get back up and strive to fulfill His will of pursuing these things. 

Why does he ask this of us? So that we are a testimony of His strength and involvement in our lives. If after our devastation we live in a hole we are telling the world around us that God is a liar. Holed-up behavior is exhibiting that God is nowhere to be found, that there is no hope, no joy, nothing to rise again for. 

Christ got back up after his devastation. He got back up because there was more to do. You need to get back up yourself because there is more to do! To die will NOT be "gain" if you do not do the will of God and LIVE AGAIN. 

I personally have chosen four verses that I read EVERY morning. I have alerts set up on my phone to smile EVERY hour. I have a life vision that pops up on my phone EVERY morning; To live in the reality of Faith, Hope, & Love.

My feelings tell me every day that life is not worth living. My logic shows me every day that I should not expect my hopes to come to pass. My present shows me every day that after all these years I STILL have not obtained the desires of my heart. 

BUT GOD'S WORD TELLS ME TO NOT BE DICTATED BY THESE THINGS.

I'm suppose to walk by faith, not by sight.

That's why I fight each and every day to get back up again. I smile because the REALITY of life is not what I feel, or see, or think. The REALITY is what I can't see: Faith, Hope, and Love. Christ is not my Fairy Godmother, giving me my whims. He sees the end from the beginning and He's going to give me the desires of my heart based on all He knows of what's to unfold. His top priority as my Father is to protect and defend me. If I'm allowing him to protect me from my desires that will hurt me, everything will work out for my good! If I live every day angry at Him for "making" me live... well, how sad and unproductive is THAT!

Whatever has knocked you for a loop, has left you flat on your back... I'm truly sorry you've gone through those things. But, get back up. It may feel like "fake it 'till you make it," but in fact it's "FAITH it 'till you make it."

Proverbs 24:16 (KJV)

For a just [man] falleth seven times, and riseth up again: but the wicked shall fall into mischief.

My “Get Fit/Feel Pretty” Journey, 3

Originally published on my blog, Soul Java, on Monday, February 22, 2010

Part 3

Toward the end of the Summer two things happened that helped me go to the next level in my journey to get fit and feel pretty. 1. I got an iPhone. Now, suddenly everything I was glued to the couch to do on my laptop I could be mobile and do! I could surf the web, I could write, I could listen to podcasts, I could text, call… My iPhone really & truly made a huge difference. 2ndly , our family became friends with some of the players of our community college basketball team. This was the perfect shot in the arm for me. These guys were all about movement, activity & working out. The talked about it, they challenged each other to pushups and sit ups in my living room. It was great! I was too embarrassed to ask them questions about exercise or weight loss at first, but I soaked in their conversations and after everybody was gone I’d try to do the types of exercises they did.

We went on our family vacation in September 2009; a cruise of all things! I was dreading the loads of food that would be available. But I also knew I had more focus than ever before. I brought my tunes with me and I decided I could dance my way through the delectable temptations. But my first night away from home I had a problem; we stayed in a hotel and between my kids’ entertainment and my husband’s work there was no room to do my dancing in the room! I decided I’d go dance in the workout room. “Alas! Gasp! No way!” The exercise room was FULL of mirrors! There was absolutely no way I could see my fat self dance in all those mirrors! But I was determined to do something; so I got on the treadmill. Guess what? I really liked it! I had my tunes in my ears, the handles on the machine was hiding me from the mirrors, I decided this would work! It took me nearly 45 minutes to walk 2 miles. I didn’t care how slow it was, I wasn’t there for the challenge. The same way I determined that losing extremely small amounts of weight was better than gaining small amounts, I decided moving my body in any way was better than being a couch potato.

I boarded that cruise ship knowing I was going to make use of their treadmills. The first place I went hunting for was the gym. I walked in… and nearly died! It was so intimidating! Guess what? More mirrors! Lots more equipment! Really healthy looking people who were obviously very familiar with a gym filled its every nook and cranny! My heart sank. I knew I was not going to be able to bring myself to use the gym. I found the walking track outside on the same deck as the pool. But I decided I’d rather walk past all those fat, half dressed bodies than use that daunting gym. (It was surprising how many “not fit” people didn’t mind getting nearly nude. Surprising and gross!)

I had something else helping me along at this point too; crazy mood swings! I’ve always been an expressive person, but never a moody person. Since around 2007 I had learned what it felt like to suddenly, without warning, be ready to snatch somebody’s head off! I could suddenly cry without warning too! Since the Summer of 2008 I was still dealing with a lack of self-worth. I discovered on the cruise that walking balanced all those emotional swings! I had always heard that exercise released endorphins in the brain that causes us to feel happier. This was the first time I experienced it. It was AWESOME! When I would get too impatient with my children I’d go walk the track. When I felt sad I’d go walk the track. I woke up in the morning before everybody else and went walking. I walked meals I’d eaten off. The favorite part of that cruise for me was walking. But one morning the wind was atrocious! I was feeling especially panicky and KNEW if I could just walk a few minutes I’d feel better. So in trepidation I poked my head into the gym; it was nearly empty! For the rest of the cruise I used the gym’s treadmills and slowly watched my speed and endurance gain momentum.

I lost 2 pounds on the cruise!

When I got home I kept walking. I got up to 3 miles but it was taking me around 40-45 minutes. At this point I was also doing some Pilates, Abs workouts, and other muscle building, flab-fighting things. I had become comfortable talking to my basketball playing friend about exercise, how to do certain ones, etc. During the Thanksgiving break in November 2009, I was telling my friend how I knew I could walk more than 3 miles but I couldn’t take more time doing it than I already was. He told me I should try running. I was completely against it. I knew right away it was too challenging. I’ve seen runners. They are strong, disciplined, and they tend to thrive on challenge. I really felt like I couldn’t run. But he told me he wasn’t saying I should run 3 miles like I was walking. And that I didn’t need to worry about how long it took me. And that I was allowed to stop and catch my breath when I needed. So, the next day I ran. I thought I was going to die! But I reminded myself that I didn’t let myself stop and catch my breath AND I made myself run a full mile when I didn’t have to. Plus there was something in me that didn’t want to tell my basketball friend that I was a wimp! So, I ran again the next day… And the next, and the next. I started running to help with my moods just as I had done walking on the cruise. Plus it didn’t take nearly as long as the walking did to have that endorphin release! There are some days when running is as hard as it was that first day, but most of the time its exhilarating!

When I went to my doctor the last time he was emotionally moved at my success and was asking MY advice for his own weight loss! I’ve not reached my goal weight yet, but I’m on my way!

I’ll write in part 4 about what my goal is, how its morphed, and what natural vitamins & minerals I take to help in my “get fit/feel pretty journey”.

…to be continued.