Tough As Nails, Mother's Day '16

There are some surface things people get from my mom within moments of being in her presence...

She's jolly and loud.

You hear her before you see her. From her portable "amen corner" in church (any denomination, every church) to intercessory prayer, to her...

(Wait for it...) 

Whistle. 

She whistles in church like other people whistle at ball games. And she's reproduced a whole congregation who at least try to muster a whistle periodically in a red-hot Pentecostal service. It took me YEARS to find my whistle. But I've totally got it now, and you'd better believe I use it! #LikeMotherLikeDaughter

She's tough as nails.

Because this is not always a compliment, I hesitate to use the phrase. It's so often a description used of drill-Sargeant types, which she is not. (Refer to the jolly version above.) She's HILARIOUS! She's fun! She's spontaneous! She's generous! But once she's discovered a truth that should be lived by, she's going to ensure the salvation of all in her boat by insisting these safety precautions are maintained. 

She was raised in a Christian home that had various leanings of the definition of "modesty." She saw the harm that unfolded in those who moved further and further away from conservative lifestyles. Therefore, she's tough as nails when it comes to standards. She's not "judgmental," in that she gives off a condemning vibe. Exemplified by the fact that she has friends who haven't dressed like her in decades. She has lifetime friends whose lifestyle would make your toes curl if you're a staunch Christian. She's incredibly compassionate. But if those friends are going to ask her advice about what lifestyle best preserves sanity & sanctity in the long haul, she's tough as nails in her advisement. And if you've ever been one of her's, you're going to hear "it" if she sees you straying. She simply has been privy to the dangers of another way. She's loves to the point of saying the uncomfortable. 

She's been in leadership in churches for long enough that she KNOWS what makes a congregation strong, or lethargic. She KNOWS what brings fervency into prayer meetings. She KNOWS what brings the raw power of God into a service. And she will let anybody attempt this in any fashion they want. But when it comes to how it's done in her ship, she's tough as nails. 

When I had a life-upset a few years ago I was not all that thrilled with her being tough as nails. I thought she was willing to sacrifice my happiness for "her way." I was so wrong.

In reality, I was in a storm that was battering our ship. ("Our" ship. I'm her daughter, not an island!) We were in danger of losing my children, our salvation, my sanity, and my future. Every time a piece came loose, she'd resecure it. When a strap sprung free from the tumult, she knew if she didn't secure it back yet more parts would break apart. She had to resecure the mast time and again, just so that one fine day, when the storm was past and a propelling wind had come, I'd be able to catch that breeze yet again.

My mom is mother to many. I do not envy those others. I understand the importance of her presence to their well-being. that she makes life possible for them.

She's tough as nails. 

And it's a good thing too, because she holds me together.

Happy Mother's Day, Mom!

Ode To Morgan

Morgan packed her bags for college today. I have no complaints. I will be living with her. But because we've been so focused on the good we expect from the next four years, we weren't realizing what "else" it meant for us. 

it dawned on EACH of us as we were literally walking out the front door to drive her to college that her lifelong "home" will never be the same. Life will move on while she's away; decor, schedules, diet, traditions, routines. NOTHING will be identical when she comes home. We boo-hoo'd separately and sniffled a little together. I'm having a bit of a harder time pulling myself together than she is though.

Here's my very pitiful public therapy in the form of poetry:

From the moment I found you in my womb

I planned for you to be gone.

My arms held your body

But my lungs held my breath

Just newborn

But I knew you'd be gone

I stiffened my lip as we parted a kiss

Kindergarten

I KNEW you'd be gone

But you came home well-rested

From the nap you had taken

We had dinner, and snuggled at home

Off to camps with kids

See?!

Independent and gone

I've known it all along

But I picked you up tired

And hoarse after choir

And drove you back to our home reinspired

Graduation came and down the aisle you went

But this time I knew the drill

They would change your tassel

But it was no big hassle

Because you ALWAYS came home to my thrill

Then it happened so suddenly

It took me by surprise

I'd been planning for this day

But I didn't realize

It was really IT

THAT time had come

When you packed your bag

And it wasn't psyche or fun

Today was the day

I had planned for so long

But not well enough

And it stopped my song

The breath that I held

When you were born

To not get too attached

To give you freedom to soar

The breath poured from my eyes

In the form of rain

And the life I've been in

Transformed into pain

My baby is gone!

It's every mom's fear

But to snatch you from this would be love insincere

It's what you were made for 

It's why we worked hard 

To make you ready

To take the world by storm

Know this, Grown Girl

Every tear I cry

Is a unique memory

That we made in our lives

Every book we read

Every palette for a bed

Every swing set we flew

Every cake candle we blew

These thoughts give me peace

They build my hopes 

They remind life is precious

And we had it better than most

I will cherish every moment

Of togetherness we've spent

My baby is gone

But you come home a friend

My Homeschool Mistakes

I loved, loved, loved, homeschooling! In fact, I homeschooled my two children for eight years. I loved everything about it. From the time I got to spend with my children, to setting my own schedule, to laying a foundation for the love of learning, to the personal choice of curriculum... I cannot say enough good about homeschooling! But in THIS blog I am not going to tell you about the cool parts of homeschooling, because you likely already know about those parts. I am going to tell you some mistakes I made that I hope you can avoid. (Be on the lookout for my "What I Love About Homeschooling.")

Get Dressed
I have a VERY laid back, chill, personality. I do NOT like molds (as in "Jello" or "ice" or "cookie cutters.") Whereas I value rules, I also look at rules as "pick your battles wisely." And I don't think strict rules about a dress code is a battle I want to fight. I think we SHOULD get presentable for the public, like if we are going shopping or to church. But I do not see a need to prioritize how we dress at home. We were happy in our PJ's all day, thank you very much! And if we did put on clothes, we did not care what they looked like.

This proved to be dumb. Just because you can, does not mean you should. This approach seemed to make the school day "heavier" because our clothes made us feel like we were on some type of vacation, and so the school work went slow.

Getting dressed in "public ready" attire makes everybody take their job more seriously. Not to mention, it also keeps mom more aware of her body image; a needed focus in the romance arena with dad. It does not matter how bald, or fat, or old he is. His eyes still trigger his sweetness.

Full Day
It truly does NOT take six hours a day to teach or learn. We would be finished with school work in less than four hours. When the work was done, I was done. That left M&M bored. Boredom resulted in too much sitting, too much movies, too much snacking, and too much bickering.

I should have planned more experiences. So many ideas that pop in my head on the spur of the moment cost money, which we did not have too much of to just throw out on a whim. If I would have planned better, we could have accessed many freebies, which would have kept us from being bored, had us moving our bodies, and kept us away from continual snacking.

Social
My kids have never met a stranger. Also, because of our role in church leadership, our family was among the first to arrive and the last to leave. This meant they played with lots of kids. They have never been anti-social or shy. But having rarely experienced peer pressure or competition, they were a little off kilter when they started going back to school.

It's not that I think a child should give in to peer pressure, but I think they need to experience it so they can learn to resist it. And while I do not have a competitive bone in my body, both of my kids are very competitive. They dealt with some rude awakenings when both teachers and students were affronted by my kids' inability to chill over things that were no big deal to kids who had been in school all their lives.

It is possible that if I would have been part of a weekly home school group my children would have learned this naturally along with their peers.

Homeschooling is great if you recognize it is a live, morphing organism. What worked last semester may not work in this one. What did not work last year might be perfect now. So, my advice is that you not give up, that you not be afraid to try, and that you not be afraid to change some things.

Don't forget to check back soon for some of the “out of the box” things we did, and other valuable experiences we had while homeschooling.

15 Minute Home Challenge

What can YOU get done around your home in a measly 15 minutes? A LOT!

Here's the rules:
1. Decide which task or tasks your going to tackle.
2. Set a timer for 15 minutes.
3. Work without distraction for those 15 minutes. No calls. No texts. No social sites.
4. STOP when the timer goes off and report on your social network what you were able to get done. Add a pic if u want! Be sure to hashtag #15mintask. & tell people to get the info here on my blog!

If you have the time and energy to keep working, then by all means, do so! But the goal is to not avoid tasks because you feel overcome by the enormity of it. It's ok to STOP & resume later. A messy, stinky, cluttered house doesn't feel like a home. We show respect for ourselves, our children, our spouses and our friends when we create a clean environment.

It's ONLY 15 minutes! YOU CAN DO THIS!!! :-)