It's As Simple As That

Matthew 11:25

At that time Jesus said, "I praise you, Father, Lord of heaven and earth, because you have hidden these things from the wise and learned, and revealed them to little children.

Not everybody is "into kids."

I have been since I was a kid. People used to tell me I was going to have a crooked back when I grew up because I ALWAYS had a baby on my hip.

I'm aware not everybody feels this way about all children, but most of the time parents feel this pleasure from their own children. We like to see them smile. We like to fix their reason for tears. We like to see their joy when they master a puzzle. We go to great strides to repeat the satisfaction of these experiences.

We teach children to be complex, but a child's nature is to love simplicity.

Until we teach them otherwise, they prefer the box the toy came in. They prefer splashing water or sandboxes to gadgets.

Jesus revealed a very important key to getting and having God's attention;

"Pssst! Become as a child."

Your Heavenly Father is very much "into kids." Especially grown ups who love and trust him him with abandonment of sight & sound. Regardless of the seriousness or chaos going on around them, they go get "Dad" to fix it. God is as addicted to your reaction of peace and joy as you are to your children's. But be a bratty princess, or a grouchy bully, and even God can't get excited about that. The same way a well-behaved, grateful child gets all the "breaks," a grown up who comes to God as THAT kind of child gets all the breaks.

He has CHOSEN to reveal to those with the simplicity of child-like faith.

Give God your best thought, attitude, behavior and words.

He can't resist it.

Instead

Don't give up,

Instead stand up.

Don't throw in the towel,

Instead muster another growl.

Don't play dead,

Instead tell em what God said...

That u can do all things thru Christ

That ur not done w/this fight

That there r less against u

  than that r on ur side

That ur coming out swinging

   and u will not hide

That the sword ur carrying

   has his death wish inscribed

That the angels decorated

   for ur victory party inside

So don't lie down and give it all up,

Instead beat this clown

   then go drink the victory cup!

Devotion; How To Allow God To Work

On Friday's, at 9:00am(EST) I provide a free devotional via conference call. To listen to the conference call LIVE, simply dial, 805-399-1000, and when prompted enter access code, 150884#.

Click here for the devotion call from 4/5/13. (This recording expires, 4/17/15.)
Or you can listen to the recording on your phone by dialing,
805-399-1099
Access:316519#

This devo is my hobby, therefore my family and job will be prioritized. Stay connected with me on Facebook and Twitter to get updates and reminders about the devotion call. I'll be posting there if I'm not able to have the call.

All for one, and one for all! We are the Body of Christ! =)

Have a great day, muh peeps!

Check out this blog from the past: The Glory of Enduring

Handling the Hurting

We have to use wisdom in handling the hurting because until you've experienced something for yourself, you do not have the ability to truly understand someone else's experience. You may try to do so by using your imagination, but that's based on your solid opinions, which was formed via your upbringing, which was shaped by your parent’s culture.

I had both of my kids by Caesarian section, so I relate more to people who have had surgery than to women who have gone through the natural childbirth experience. I am AWARE that the pain the mother experiences, the length of time enduring labor, and the concern of the dad, all adds up to an amazing dramatic moment when the child is delivered. But it is strictly my imagination that conjures up what that is like. For me, I was groggy from anesthesia, then within a very short time a slimy, tiny human was displayed from behind a sheet/curtain for about five seconds, then I went to sleep. No tears. No drama. Just baby. Therefore, I never have that "Yeah! Right!" moment other moms have when they connect over their birth stories.

I've discovered this is the case in traumatic life events as well. You may have experienced the pain of divorce, but it is NOT the pain of death, and the two can only relate as closely perhaps, as someone who’s experienced natural childbirth vs. Caesarian, or adoption. All cases resulted in parentage, but they are NOT the same. Divorce, death, losing a home, having a child run away; they all produce confusion and pain, but they are not the same experiences with slight differences, they are very different experiences with slight similarities.

So, when you are trying to help someone who has been wounded by a tragedy of life, the most important posture you can take is one of very little opinion. People trying to offer advice and instruction mean well. But it doesn't feel like love or kindness to the one hurting. It feels judgmental. It does not feel like support to the one hurting. It feels like what little strength one has is being stripped away.

It is hard to trust people. That is why we should be cautious in sharing our opinions about how people should be handling THEIR crisis. We love these hurting people. We can see how vulnerable they are. So we do the only thing we know to do; describe to them what we see they've done wrong that got them in their present dilemma. We also tend to be driven to tell them what they should be doing now. It is not out of malice. It is not some devious, twisted plot to make their life even worse than it is. It is actually because you love them very much! However, diving into their storm armed only with concern and emotion is the equivalent of watching a loved one wrestle a bear. EVERYBODY is freaked out by the event. But if we are not careful, in our attempts to shoot the bear, we shoot the loved one.

When you have been thrust into the awkward position of handling the hurting, you should know that the most painful things well-meaning people do is to say what you think the hurting person is thinking and doing based on your own imagination. Do you really KNOW what they're thinking, or WHY they're behaving or deciding what they are? Have you bothered to ASK?

What generally happens is, we assume, then form our own opinions based on our own assumptions. The one we're trying to help has not participated in any part of the process; except maybe at the end where what is meant to bring them clarity ends up confusing and simply adding to the weight of their pain.

So, if you have a friend or family member scaring you because of behavior being acted out due to life-upheaval, the most helpful thing you can do is not to offer guidance, but rather ask gentle questions AND LISTEN.

"Are you afraid? What are you afraid of?"
"Do you need me to do anything differently?"

If they trust you enough to answer your questions, likely they will start spilling out more of what is causing their pain and behavior. When they tell you more, you'll be better able to "diagnose" them and properly "treat" them. But even at this point you should not necessarily start advising. What you want to do is sit there quietly, listening with a heart of compassion, and you're going to keep doing that until something AMAZING happens, which is that they ask YOU a question, "What would you do?" Or "What do you think?"

It might take them a while to come around to the point where they are comfortable answering your questions. Especially if they are gun-shy by previous conversations, with you or someone else. But if you will patiently and compassionately play this role right, they will come around.

If they are not talking freely to you about their pain, and not asking you for advice, then they are scared of you. I know if you have always considered them your best friend, or you are the family member, or the counselor, that is hard to accept. But be encouraged, because if you create a healing, loving, environment, they WILL come check it out. If it is legit you will be allowed to be a part of their healing. Feeling frustrated you can't seem to do anything right is understandable. But being angry at them will accomplish nothing in your relationship. If they're the "patient" and you're the "doctor," you have to explore the "medicines" until you find the cure. And pray, pray, pray for them.

The other way to help someone going through a pain you have not experienced is to support them. This can be tricky if you do not approve of what they are doing. But it is possible. It is possible to hear someone sob and you not say anything except, "I'm sorry you're hurting. I love you." It may not be easy because your instinct wants to point out the stupid thing they did to bring on this pain. But it is POSSIBLE to use self control and simply support.

The most comforting people I have talked to in the midst of the pain and trauma of divorce, were other people who have gone through divorce. Not because we sat around approving of divorce. But because there were so many "Yeah! I know!" moments about the pain experienced behind closed doors. I've opened up to less than five people about my pain in this matter, and for three years the most helpful one was a very quiet, unassuming, tiny lady. I think it is important for you to know that description of her because I am generally thought of as loud, bossy, opinionated, and stubborn. Do you want to know what eloquent advice and direction she gave? She simply said, "I know. I know. It's awful." Sometimes she would add, "It will get better." But that's it! It turned out that in my larger-than-life personality I did not require a Mack truck kind of approach to calm me in the midst of a raging storm. She never said, "You need to..." Or, "Stop doing...." Do you know WHY and HOW she ministered so effectively? It was not because she graduated from a school of theology or psychology. It was because she went through the school of hard knocks. Very particularly, she was thrust into the same classes I was in. Oh, my goodness! She can lift my spirits like no one else! And all she does is listen and say she loves me!

It's also important to accept that you alone do not have ALL that your hurting friend needs. In the beginning, when all Adam had was God Almighty himself, the Creator. God labeled Adam as "alone" and created another source to fulfill Adam's needs. If God accepts that his offspring needs more than only himself, we must each acknowledge that our hurting loved-ones need more than just ourself to meet all their needs.

I will write soon to the hurting people and give my two-cents about how to cowboy up and move forward. But this particular blog is to the strong, healthy one wanting to know how best to be a part of their loved-one's healing.

It really doesn't matter what our title in their life may be; parent, friend, sibling, pastor, mentor, etc. If their boo-boo hurts, and EVERY TIME they see you you're trying to apply healing salt water, you may find yourself with an abundant supply of healing balm, but NO ONE to apply it to. Create an ambiance and atmosphere of gentleness and you'll find more willing patients than you know what to do with.

If you've faced the same pain as your friend you will naturally know how to help. But if you haven't been in the SAME situation, I suggest you try asking questions and listening, not offering guidance unless you are asked for it, and just create a judgment-free, peace zone. And perhaps you'll find yourself becoming a part of helping that person you love be nursed back to spiritual and emotional health.

Denée Richardson, Le Muser
www.deneerichardson.com

~Thanks to Lisa Velie for editing.

Sit, Eat, & Talk [Part 2]

Sit, Eat, and Talk [Part 2]
This is part 2 of a 2 part series.

EAT
I am not going to belabor this point simply because this is the ONE point that most everyone agrees on. We need to eat more healthful foods to be healthier. HOW healthy you need to eat is where opinions get loud. Also, we get loud about WHAT is healthy. It is a heavily touted topic in the media. It is literally obsessed over, and stands are made that can make us feel like losers or idiots regardless of how disciplined we may have become in our eating habits.

My personal soapbox is "moderation." I eat mostly fresh, whole, raw foods. But I also eat bread, butter, pizza, burgers, etc. It is my personal habit that if I eat at, say McDonald's, I order a plain hamburger, small kids-sized fry, and a small diet coke, no ice. I throw one of the slices of the bun out and find myself more than satisfied. I do not do this daily. But I will eat this way a couple times in a month without fear or guilt.

I think a good place to start learning about better nutritional choices is with a program called Eat This Not That. (@eatthisnotthat on Twitter) I also value Weight Watchers as an excellent education program. For me, I did a lot of growing and morphing in my foodie education as I lost over 60 pounds in the course of 3 years. Some people might need to lose 60 pounds in a few months. It is not the healthiest way, but set your goals and go for it. Whatever you do, DON'T GIVE UP!!

TALK
Okay. In part one I said we would bring up the couch again, so here it is. Meals eaten on a couch with or without the family present is not how food is supposed to be eaten. It fosters laziness and depression simultaneously, and does not allow your brain or digestive tract to do their jobs. I grew up with eating a meal involving family conversation. At breakfast it may have only been me eating while my mom bustled around the kitchen, but we were talking. Lunch, of course, was at school, and I LOVED that time of day with my friends! Dinner included every member of our family around the table. No exceptions. BOTH parents and all three children. Through our teens this remained mandatory. As autonomous adults we are STILL called to my mother's table once a week, and the wrath is great enough that if we MUST miss, we sit through our business meetings with that familiar knot in our stomach that we acquired as sixteen year olds, knowing the present pleasure will NOT be worth the soon to ensue wrath.

Sitting down to eat together was moved to the top of my priorities list as this past summer ended in my own household. My children and I did not sit together for a meal nearly as often as was needed. I don't always enjoy every meal since we have been living out my dreams of familial meals, but nothing is easy at first. My kids were not used to deferring to the other sibling in conversations. If they are tense, I'm tense. But after nearly three months we are getting better at it, and we are all enjoying it a little more each time. It is my earnest hope that by the time they are in college I will have mastered whatever that "look" is that my mother gives if we so much as insinuate we might not make a meal. I can already tell I am going to need that "look."

Again, as with sitting versus lying or slouching, your brain gets bossy to all your bodily functions when you eat your meal in an upright position, WITH other people, as you talk to each other.

Additionally, our moods are affected by brain chemicals called neurotransmitters. Among the more important ones are serotonin, dopamine, norepinephrine, melatonin, insulin, and prostaglandins. The first one that should pop out at you is insulin. Over 25,000,000 Americans have diabetes. That is 8.3% of our population! Our moods are GREATLY affected by insulin. Besides what you put in your mouth, you can help balance insulin levels by involving yourself in healthy communication! Serotonin is another one that you should be aware of your ability to contribute to its production. It helps give you a sense of control. It is also related to memory, sexual function, social behaviors, and the ability to learn. And GUESS where this important neurotransmitter MUST have ease of freedom to do its job in your body... IN YOUR DIGESTIVE TRACT!! Ninety percent of it is synthesized there, and this feel-good chemical's release is connected to healthy communication.

The command station of your brain works best in a social environment. These amazing chemicals mentioned help ward off depression. These neurotransmitters are triggered by being with people and talking, sharing, listening, and loving. People who are married live longer than single people. People who are members of churches, synagogues and clubs also live longer, healthier lives. People who beat cancer tend to have strong social ties. Talking with people while you eat a meal makes your brain a very happy manager indeed!

Sit, Eat, and Talk
When you sit at a table for a healthful meal with people and talk during the meal, your brain sends out an ARMY of workers! It is amazing!
Your eyes say, "Look at that food!"
Your nose says, "Smells delish!"
Your brain says, "CLEARLY our human is about to eat because they are sitting upright." And then he bellows down to your midsection, "Open up the chemical supply! We've got to break this food down into fuel for all of us!"
Then you start talking and listening, and your brain exclaims, "Good gracious! Dopamine! Get yourself and all those touchy-feely buddies of yours out here!"

It does not take very long for you to go through these motions and create these habits. Sitting to eat healthful, portioned foods, while talking with people, will start helping your body feel better for you!

When your body feels better, your dreams feel attainable! When your body feels better, your spouse looks more attractive! When your body feels better, you have more self confidence!

What an amazing body God created for us to inhabit!

Le Muser; Denée Richardson
www.deneerichardson.com

~Thanks to Lisa Velie for editing.